Going Home
“Lah..lah.. pulang lai”
(it's time for home)
- 3rd August 2021
'Going home' was my Grandma last word before she took her last breath. The one who besides her was only my sister and she passed away in front of her. That word keep resounding.
My grandma was gone 21 days ago, but today still gloomy.
There is a subconscious urge that stimulates my eyes to cry. It explodes at first and slowly starts to diminish. This urge is unstoppable. I wondered if this was because my grandmother had been living with us for the past two years in Jambi.
There will be different emotions that arise when someone in the family, who lives with you, dies. There are memories that are close and intense. There are questions, dialogues and discussions about anything over and over again so that it becomes memories and intimate parts of our lives.
Like me, who took her to the bank every month to withdraw ungku’s pension (ungku is grandfather in Minangkabau language). Ungku died in 1989. My uncle said we were like kicking each other. Ungku died, and then I was born. It was like an evitable sequence.
Until 2021, my grandma often mentioned ungku’s name, Ripin. My grandpa full name is Arifin. He was an education leader in our village. There was no one who did not know Pak Guru Ripin in that village, in Ulakan Tapakis, West Sumatra. Now grandma has followed him into eternity.
Grandma’s passing leaves a different kind of sadness for me. I can’t imagine my mother’s sadness, she must be more suffering. There was no longer any place for her to pour her heart out in our family. However, she did not cry when I arrived from Padang. She looked tough and indeed she had prepared for the worst.
Grandma wished to be buried in her village. She told to us it long time ago. Somehow, the pandemic has made everything difficult. My uncle, the eldest mamak in our family, said that my grandma must be buried in Jambi. There was nothing we could do due to the condition and the rules. Furthermore, our relatives in the village have left to other cities. Everyone has their own life outside the village.
A friend said it was a mistake to take elderly parents out of their village, from a place where their social relations were already strong. At first I agreed, but the case cannot be generalized because all the families in the village have left and besides that, my grandmother was very weak. There was no one to take care of him there. After all, my grandma did not mind.
There are people who when they get old, they have a desire to take care of their parents. They want to be able to let go of their parents as well as possible. Like my mother who considers all of this as her last devotion to my grandma. She took care of everything, from finding the shroud, bathing grandma's body, and bringing her to the funeral. My mother also arranged the yasinan and the food for it. She did everything. She tried to give her best respect to his mother.
Even so, sometimes I have a different opinion about this. My mother’s stress level was clearly increased from taking care of grandma. My grandma sometimes tried to recover from her leg pain. She sometimes laughed and made dark jokes as well. For example, when my mother talked about the house in the village and something to leave by grandma, she said: “You want me to die quickly?”.
And then they laughed together.
Grandma said it in old accent of Minang language.
My mother bathed her every morning. Grandma could not go to the bathroom on her own since her legs got weaker. Mother wiped her body every morning, changed her diapers that Grandma could not bear if her peed and her feces got exposed to them, cooked her favorite food, and bought her clothes, talked to her because Grandma loved to talk. Sometimes she liked to talk alone, like murmuring.
My mother tried to honor his mother with the utmost respect, as best she could, as sincerely as possible.
All those memories that make heavy feelings let go of his family. It was also the memory that probably made us feel grandma’s energy was still around her room. As usual since grandmother was still around,mother turned on the recording or the recitation in front of the room where grandmother used to live. Because people say that up to 40 days, the grandmother’s spirit is still around us.
I remember once, the morning before I got the news that my grandmother was seriously ill, Padang was hit by two earthquakes. On August 3 at around 5.30 AM once and around 6 AM once. The earthquake occured about 10 seconds ago. The previous day I just had an interview with the Regional Disaster Management Agency (BPBD) . If there is an earthquake for more than 30 seconds there is a possibility of a tsunami and it is better to go to higher ground. But because of sleepiness I continued to sleep.
In the afternoon I went to pick up some books and a raincoat at Aia Pacah, the house of my friend, Holy Adib. I took a quick nap there and around 12 noon my dad called. Told me to call Uncu (uncle in minangnese) and tell me that Grandma is Dying. Father’s voice trembled as he said ‘dying’.
Instantly there was a feeling of emptiness and I kept my voice steady. After that I called Uncu, after hanging up the phone from Uncu I burst into tears. I can’t stand it. Memories flashed.
Uncu and I plan to leave for Jambi at 8 PM. All the way to the travel counter my eyes were full of water. In the afternoon, my mother called and said that my grandmother had recovered. I’m a little relieved. She said grandmother made video calls with her family. Grandma had praised my sister who accompanied her. “Rancak cici yo (you are so beautiful, Ci),” she said.
It was 7 PM. Mother called me but I didn’t pick up because I was busy completing travel payments.
Then we took the car to Jambi around 8 PM. My sister sent me a WhatsApp message saying that grandmother was dying and sakarratul maut. She asked me to say a prayer for her. A lot of people was in shock, because just a few hours ago she was fine and she asked my mother to bring her some food. So mother made her kolak kundur. At 8.30 PM my sister called while crying on phone, grandmother was not there anymore. I had no word and I told the uncle sitting in front of me about it. He cried all the way home. Even though we were just about to leave for Jambi.
Grandma passed away when I’ve just left Padang. It seems that grandma’s departure is the birth of a new thing, jusy like my grandfather’s passing and my birth. Although I don’t know what it is for now.
Grandma was the first person I take to their final resting place. Leaning her body in the grave, attaching the board on it and holding the cloth so that the sound of the soil was not so loud when it fall on the board that covers grandmother’s body.
Rest in peace, Grandma. Grandma who has always been 80 years old for as long as I’ve known her. You are home now.
